


let these broken white lines bring me back to your arms

by WickedSong



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: F/M, Introspection, Post-Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:11:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6731743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedSong/pseuds/WickedSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"“He looks just like you; Squall I mean.” His voice hitches, and he thinks, in a somewhat juvenile way; keep your cool, man, because Raine’s probably been waiting to hear these stories for years.  “Kiros and Ward say that’s a good thing.” He laughs, awkwardly running a hand through his hair. “You’d probably say that too.”</i>
</p><p>  <i>A plaque can’t converse with him; a plaque can’t laugh along at his lame attempt at humour. A plaque can’t roll her eyes at him, even if he can see the hint of the smile threatening to cross her lips."</i></p><p>Laguna makes a long-overdue journey to Raine's grave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let these broken white lines bring me back to your arms

_A son, we have a son,_ he thinks, looking at the grave in a sort of solemn amazement. That something so wonderful could be crossing his mind while standing at the final resting place of his late wife.

Laguna kneels beside the grave, reading _Raine Loire_ ; underneath bearing the date she was born, and the date she died. He waves. It’s odd and so casual – if any of the folks around here saw him they’d see it as a sign of disrespect but then again, they’d never really liked him in the first place anyway.

He knows that _she’d_ understand, and that’s all that matters. If he really thinks about it, she’s probably watching him from whatever great beyond there is and _laughing_.

The thought comforts him.

“Hi,” he says to her, crinkling his face into the smile she deserves; because the words he so desperately needs to say are proving a challenge right now.

It’s been far too long since he last had the chance to make this journey; sixteen years to be exact.

At that time all he had known was that Raine had died, but from what no one resident of Winhill would tell him. Elle had been sent away and they all refused to disclose that information too.

He was the outsider to them, he always had been. At first, he was the wounded Galbadian soldier and the sooner he was gone the better. Then he’d become the Monster Hunter of Winhill who little Elle adored. It didn’t do much to improve their perception of him, though.

Things had started to get better, bit by bit, until Elle had been taken by Esthar. Then he became the soldier again. The man who had promised to return to Raine and had failed in that promise.

What they would tell him was that Elle was safe and with calls for his return to the still politically-unstable Esthar, he had no choice but to trust in their judgement. Yes, they hadn’t cared for him, but they had adored Raine and Elle. Despite their issues with him, and there were plenty, they’d never put little Elle in harm’s way.

“A lot has happened in the last few weeks,” begins Laguna, as he watches the way the flower petals dance across the field. “Elle told me some things; things that I know you wished you could’ve told me yourself.” He hangs his head. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself but I hope-I hope you can.”

There’s no sudden sign of forgiveness – not that he had expected it. The guilt was almost suffocating him. He thought he had managed to tuck away for sixteen years – never completely gone, but not as overwhelming as it had been before - only to have the wound reopened by Elle’s reappearance and further amplified by coming face to the face with Squall Leonheart.

Seventeen years old, the young man appeared cold and caustic, but Laguna could tell he hid a lot behind that mask. Seventeen years old and already Squall was the Commander of Balamb Garden; one of the institutions that trained the elite mercenaries known as SeeD.

Seventeen and this boy in front of him already carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. While Laguna thought he had prepared himself for the moment they would come face to face – and really, he thought he’d handled the briefing quite well, despite how nervous he felt – he still had to steady his nerves when face-to-face with those eyes once more.

 _Raine’s_ son, standing right in front of him.

Not just Raine’s son; but _his_ too.

 _Their_ _son_.

It still felt like some weird dream.

Laguna clears his throat.

“He looks just like you; Squall I mean.” His voice hitches, and he thinks, in a somewhat juvenile way; _keep your cool, man_ , because Raine’s probably been waiting to hear these stories for years. “Kiros and Ward say that’s a good thing.” He laughs, awkwardly running a hand through his hair. “ _You’d_ probably say that too.”

A plaque can’t converse with him; a plaque can’t laugh along at his lame attempt at humour. A plaque can’t roll her eyes at him, even if he can see the hint of the smile threatening to cross her lips.

It’s almost like the granite in the ground is mocking his every word; and it’s the one thing in the world he wishes his usual happy-go-lucky and relaxed attitude could fix.

But it’s a rock in the middle of the Winhill Bluffs. It isn’t really Raine, and all it can do is remind him of how he failed her and Elle - and Squall.

“He’s strong too. Like you; fierce and defensive of the people he loves.”

 _Squall had appeared in the flower field; in the arms of Rinoa. He had been blinking furiously; tired and disorientated. But he was_ alive _._

_While Elle clung to his arm tight, Laguna let out a breath he felt that he had been holding for years. Maybe he had, and he just didn’t realise it until he met the son he never knew he had, and knew in an instant, what the unconditional love of a parent was._

_Laguna watched his son stir slightly, and noticed that even in his half-conscious state Squall’s eyes were roaming the field; until he was sure that everyone was there and accounted for._

_Rinoa had smiled down and nodded at something he must’ve said; a teary-eyed smile on her face._

_“We’re safe,” she told him, in a soothing and reassuring tone, “We’re all safe.”_

Laguna looks down at his hands, absently playing with the simple band on his finger, before turning his attention back to the present and the grave in front of him.

“I told him. He’s smart, so I think he’d already pieced it together.”

 _Squall hadn’t looked very shocked but something that resembled long-forgotten hurt –_ of course _he had felt abandoned, he had been an orphan for his entire life - had crossed his eyes. Laguna had wanted to reach out, to offer some degree of comfort but he knew it wasn’t his place or his right to do so._

_The ride on the Ragnarok back to Esthar had been awkward to say the least._

_“So, you were really on this thing in_ space _?” Laguna asked, the safest conversation starter he could come up with._

_He’d always imagined he’d be more excited at the possibility of seeing one of these ships in action again._

_Squall had simply nodded to confirm this. Laguna had felt his heart sink a little._

_“It was populated with monsters, though,” Rinoa had helpfully pointed out from beside Squall, obviously sensing the tension and trying to keep the conversation afloat. “Or aliens, I think. There was some weird order to defeating them as well.” She sighed, smiled, and then took to looking out into the world below._

_Laguna didn’t miss the shy smile that crossed Squall’s face when he looked over at her._

“He’s a little reserved, I can tell you that much.” Laguna pounds the grassy hill lightly with his fist, and shakes his head with a bitter smile on his face. Regrets are so unlike him, but this one stings, no matter how much he’s been trying to pretend it doesn’t.

“I guess that’s my fault. If I had been there, he wouldn’t have grown up so-so cold.” A light breeze caresses his face and he sighs, halfway between sad and content. “But he has his friends, and he has Rinoa too - I think you would have liked her. He’s not alone. Not anymore.”

 _He’s not a kid anymore_ , is what Laguna really wants to say. _He’s not the kid I didn’t even know existed._

_Elle was the one to tell him about Squall, shortly after their reunion on-board the Lunar Base._

_She had smiled when she saw him – they had both burst into tears. He insisted on giving her an extensive tour of the base and spoke at length about how he’d have a space set aside for her at the Presidential Palace the second they were back in Esthar._

_But all through his excited rambling – which she accepted with a smile and the occasional nod of her head – he could tell there was something she was dying to say._

_Finally, once he had shown her to her guest quarters, she had very calmly – almost too calmly, in his opinion, when he later reflected on what she had told him – asked him to sit down._

_And from there it had just sort of tumbled out; she had been sent back to Winhill – yes he knew that, he had made sure of that. Raine had died in childbirth – yes he knew she had died and-_

_Wait,_ childbirth _?_

_You know, I’m kind of relieved,” Elle said, as she sat beside him, and placed a comforting hand on his arm. Once he had got over the initial shock she had explained in detail, and it was a revelation that called everything he had done in the last seventeen years into question, “that you didn’t know.” She closed her eyes. “I kept trying to connect you – to him, to Squall. I wanted to change things. I wanted you to be there. To know him. But I learned you can’t change the past. No matter how hard I tried.”_

_He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer into his side._

_“I’m sorry,” was all he could say._

_She had taken on this mission, this huge task, all because of decisions_ he _had made. And for seventeen years, he had repeatedly told himself that she was okay, when really she’d spent her entire life as an orphan outrunning military force after military force, who’d use her for their own twisted ends._

_Maybe at first he managed to convince himself that she was safer at that orphanage, or on that ship. But maybe that was an excuse, maybe it was a lie he told himself over and over again until he believed it was true._

_And then the news of three teenagers who desperately needed to see Elle had come to his attention. Elle had simply nodded, and smiled sadly._

_“Squall.”_

_It had been all the confirmation Laguna needed._

“I never got to meet him properly up there,” Laguna explains, and now he feels like he’s finally settling into the story he’s telling Raine. “Too much happened, there was a lot of chaos. But I caught a glimpse of him. He has your eyes; you know?”

“I want to tell him all about you, bring him here one day, when he’s ready.”

Laguna puts a hand on the stone in front of him and thinks to the last conversation he had had with Squall before coming to Winhill.

_"There seem to be no residual effects of the Compression on our end either,” Laguna told Squall helpfully. He tried to downplay the eagerness in his voice but it seemed to be natural when it came to Squall or matters concerning Squall._

_He was trying to make up for lost time he could never get back – with a son who had felt abandoned from more or less the day he was born. Elle – the one source of comfort he had ever had – had been wiped from his mind._

_Up until a couple of months ago, loneliness was all he had known._

_Everyone told him – Kiros, Ward, even Elle – that it wouldn’t be an easy process and yet-_

_Suddenly Laguna realised he had left Squall with the parting words, and he steeled himself, ready for the curt goodbye that was sure to come next._

_“How’s Ellone?”_

_That was a surprise._

_“She’s fine; she’s adjusting. She said she wanted to visit you all at some point. I hope-I hope that’ll be okay.”_

_He couldn’t help but feel he was almost begging on his own behalf as well._

_“Of course,” Squall replied, coolly._

_Laguna felt his throat dry up and a familiar pain in his leg as he adjusted the receiver closer to his ear. “Before you go, about what I told you, even before you went into the Lunatic Pandora-“_

_He expected to hear the tone that indicated Squall had disconnected the call but it never came and quickly continued._

_“-I just want to explain myself; face to face. One day, when you’re ready to hear it – the whole story.”_

_He held his breath; again expecting to receive no answer and feeling his heart lift ever so slightly when he heard Squall give a small non-committal noise over the line._

_“Things are busy here right now.” Laguna felt himself deflate at the tone of his voice, until Squall gave a nervous cough over the line. “Maybe-maybe…one day.”_

_Now,_ that _sounded much more hopeful._

_One day - he could wait for that one day._

“Uncle Laguna!”

A joyous shout of his name; followed by a giggle from behind him and he’s suddenly well aware of Elle’s presence on the Winhill Bluffs.

When he turns around, she waves from where she stands in the distance; Kiros and Ward trailing behind her, also smiling. Laguna waves back to her; a wide smile crossing his face.

Elle positively beams at him, before a look of confusion crosses her face as she looks upwards. Laguna isn’t sure what she was looking at, at first, until he sees Balamb Garden moving overhead.

It’s really is an amazing sight to behold. Even when compared to the dragon-like spaceship that’s been traversing the skies lately.

Elle looks content as she watches the mobile Garden move, with an amazed expression, and Laguna, feeling calmed by the look on her face, turns so he is once more kneeling in front of Raine’s grave, his eyes flickering between his wife’s name and the Garden that moves above them.

A gentle breeze carries the flower petals around him – and Laguna smiles; his son is there; his son will be just fine. Their son is _home_.

“There he goes now,” he whispers to Raine. “You would be proud, Raine, so proud.”

And while there was no way to know for sure, Laguna knows she loved Squall too. As she loved Elle; and as she loved him.

The gentle wind surrounding him – that he truly believes is that message he was waiting for from Raine – makes him sure of this fact.

**Author's Note:**

> -So, this is my first Final Fantasy fic in a very very long time - and the first ever posted to Ao3! This has actually been written for well over a year, since my last replay of this game in December 2014, but I never had the courage to post it then. I don't have much right now either, but as I'm almost finished another replay of this wonderful game, I decided to look over it, make a few revisions and post it now. I hope you liked it.
> 
> -@Square-Enix: when will you get your acts together and give us more in the FFVIII-universe, so we can see Laguna telling Squall he's his father. It's been almost twenty years. I'm getting impatient about it now.
> 
> -Title is from the song _'Broken But Home'_ by The Common Linnets.


End file.
